MetaFic

The first Quidditch match of the season, between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, took place on the first weekend in October.  For the first time, however, everyone in the school was hoping for the match to be very short because Claire had arranged for a Homecoming Ball to take place that evening.  She said it was vital that Hogwarts have a homecoming, though apparently it was normal for no-one to actually come home for the event.

Fortunately, Claire had given Harry a few pointers about Seeking, and the game lasted only four minutes.  Ginny scored all seven of Gryffindor’s goals, allowing them to beat Slytherin 230-0.  After Harry caught the Snitch, she soared down to the ground and joined Claire, Hermione, and Luna in a short cheerleading routine.  Even the Slytherins applauded when the other three girls hurled Ginny twenty feet straight up, giving her plenty of time to do a quintuple back-flip with three twists.  They ended the routine by leading everyone in a several rounds of, “Gryffindor, Gryffindor, fight fight fight!”

After the match, the female population of Hogwarts – along with Draco, Michele, and Dumbledore – disappeared into the various dormitories to prepare for the Ball.  Many of the boys spent several hours at the lake’s edge, trying to conjure up a working telescope so they could see in the girls’ windows.  Harry, however, had recently completed an intense bonding session with Ginny, so he had no need to peer through tower windows.

At six o’clock, the Gryffindor boys were all waiting in the common room for the girls to appear.  The younger girls all emerged first, followed by Lavender and Parvati, who had announced earlier that day that they would be attending the Ball together.  That left only Claire, Hermione, Ginny, and Luna in the girls’ dormitories.

Luna was the first to emerge.  She wore a dress very much like the one Claire had created for her, except that it fell to her ankles and had a hip-height slit on either side.  The boys all whistled appreciatively, and Luna smiled dreamily in response before joining her date.

Luna’s escort for the evening was a deep-sea merman named Lemuel.  He had tentacles instead of a fish’s tail, which allowed him to walk upright on land, and a special bubble-head charm enabled him to breathe.  Luna had met him on her first visit to the Mariana Trench, and they had been inseparable ever since.

Hermione emerged from the dormitory next.  Her dress was cut modestly and made of creamy gray material that shimmered slightly in the light.  It had a long skirt, full-length sleeves, and a high collar.  Nevertheless, it fit her very well and displayed her modest figure to its full advantage.  Apparently she and Luna had both decided to stick with Claire’s original fashion advice, and Harry thought she looked quite pretty.  Ron certainly seemed to appreciate the dress, and the couple spent several minutes snogging at the foot of the stairs before they left for the Ball.  As they walked away, Harry spotted two perfectly-sharpened pencils holding Hermione’s bun in place.

Harry waited alone in the common room.  He was slightly surprised when Claire emerged from the stairs before Ginny did.  Claire wore an extremely close-fitting red dress that showed all of her indescribable curves.  The strapless bodice and knee-length hem ensured that she would never lack attention, and Harry spent a nostalgic moment thinking of the blissful few hours he had spent in love with her.  

“Hi, Claire,” he said.  “You look lovely.”

“Thank you, Harry.”

“It’s too bad Davin couldn’t make it tonight.”

She sighed impressively.  “I know.  But I’m sure I’ll see him soon enough.  For tonight, I’m going doe.”

“D’oh?”

“No, doe.  The opposite of stag.”

Harry’s ears perked.  “Stag as in party?”

“No, stag as in alone at a dance.”

“Oh.”  Harry thought for a moment and had an idea.  “How would you like my father to escort you?  I’m sure he’ll love you, and he’s no threat to Davin.”

“Your father?” Claire asked.  “Wasn’t he dead?”

“He still is.  That’s why he’s no threat.”

She smiled.  “Well, that’s okay, then.”

Harry pulled out his wand and pointed it at the space next to her.  “Expecto Patronum!”

Prongs leapt out of his wand and pranced in place at Claire’s side.  “Dad, will you take Claire to the Ball?  Her boyfriend couldn’t make it, and it’d be a shame for her to be alone.”

The huge stag looked Claire up and down, stamped his hooves appreciatively, and then nodded.

“There you are,” Harry said. “Now you’re going stag in style.”

“Oh, thank you, Harry,” Claire gushed.  “He’s beautiful.”  She put a hand on Prongs’ silvery shoulder, and together they left the common room.

Harry turned back to the staircase just in time to see Ginny emerge from the dormitories.  He blinked several times, forced himself to take a breath, and then blinked again.  “Sweet mother of Merlin,” he whispered.

Ginny grinned.  “I’m not naming any of our children ‘Merlin’, Harry.  It’s cliché.”

Harry nodded dumbly.  Ginny’s dress was made of emerald green velvet which perfectly matched his eyes.  It had a halter neck which widened to cover her ample breasts, but it remained separated all the way down to her navel.  It was completely backless, which left her sides and back uncovered all the way down to her hips.  Below that, the skirt flared and fell to the floor, making sure that Harry’s attention stayed above her waist where it belonged.

“Do we have to go to the Ball?” Harry asked plaintively.

“Yes, we do,” Ginny said.  She stepped forward and leaned up to whisper in his ear.  “But you can take this off of me afterwards.  Trust me, it doesn’t take much.”

Her proximity drew his attention to her beautiful auburn hair, which was curled and gathered at the back of her head to form a cascade of curls that flowed down her spine.

“You’re beautiful, Ginny,” Harry said softly.  “More beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen.  More than anything I’ve ever imagined.”

“Oh?  Did you see Claire just now?”

“Yes.  You’re even more beautiful than her.”

She chuckled deep in her throat.  “You definitely won’t have any trouble getting this dress off, Mr. Potter.  Shall we?”

Harry took her hand, and together they paraded down to the Great Hall.  A crowd of teachers and younger students were waiting in the Entrance Hall, and when Harry and Ginny appeared on the stairs they all began to ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’.  Several flashbulbs went off in bursts of purple smoke, and a few digital cameras clicked out their fake shutter sounds.

They walked through the middle of the crowd, nodding and smiling graciously, and Hagrid announced them to the Great Hall beyond.  “Mar ‘Arry ‘O’er a’ Mi’ Gi’y We’ly, ‘Ing a’ ‘Een o’ t’ ‘Omec’min’ Ba’!”

Everyone inside applauded, and Harry and Ginny moved to the center of the room to begin the dancing.  Harry had been practicing with Claire, so he was perfectly comfortable leading Ginny in a classical waltz.

Once they had completed a verse of the song (played by the Weird Sisters), the rest of the students and professors joined in and the Ball began.

Harry and Ginny danced to every song, taking breaks only for Harry to dance with Claire and Ginny to dance with Dumbledore.  Harry tried dancing with Hermione, just out of friendship, but they both found the experience vaguely disturbing.

After half an hour, the tempo of the music had slowed, and Harry and Ginny had stopped their formal dancing.  Instead, they wrapped their arms around each other, pressing their bodies together, and swayed gently to the music.

Harry was just leaning down to kiss Ginny when they heard a series of loud bangs.  Looking up, Harry spotted Hagrid at the doors, using a boulder to pound on the wall.  “Ladies and gentlemen!” he shouted, his huge voice booming.  “The Dark Lord Voldemort!”

Complete silence fell over the Hall.  Then, before Harry could process what was happening, Lord Voldemort stepped into the room.  He was wearing his customary black robes, but for that evening they were decorated with blood-red velvet at the collar, hem, and cuffs.  His head was freshly shined, and his red eyes glistened above his pale face.

“Voldemort!” Harry shouted.  “What the hell are you doing here?”

The Dark Lord’s gaze slithered over Ginny before landing on Harry.  “I was invited, foolish boy.”

“Invited?” Ginny said.  “Who would invite you?”

“I would, and I did,” a familiar voice called.  Claire Boingit emerged from the other end of the hall, her gait stately and her appearance as flawless as ever.  “Good evening, Tom.”

“Ahh, Miss Boingit,” he hissed.  “What a pleasure to meet you at last.”

“Likewise, I’m sure,” Claire replied.  “I’m so glad that you accepted my invitation.”

Horrible, terrifying thoughts rushed through Harry’s mind.  How could she?  They had all trusted her!  “Claire!” he said.  “What-?”

She ignored him and continued approaching the Dark Lord, passing in front of Harry.  “I was certain that we could agree to a peaceful evening, Tom.  We may be from different schools, but we’re all playing the same game.  It’s good for everyone to come together and remember that from time to time.”

“Ah, yes,” Voldemort said, stepping closer to her and blatantly leering at her body.  “That is precisely what I wanted you to believe.  But look around, Claire, and see the truth.”

Harry looked around just as Claire did, and he saw dozens of students step out of the crowd.  Their features began to bubble and shift, and seconds later Harry, Ginny, and Claire were surrounded by a large group of Death Eaters, all wearing masks and holding their wands ready.

Voldemort hissed in laughter.  “You may have somehow eliminated Lucius, Bellatrix, Pettigrew, Macnair, Severus, Narcissa, Nott, Parkinson, Crabbe, Goyle, and both Carrows, but they were not my only followers.  Now, you fools, you are all going to die.”  He looked around at the circle of evil wizards and witches.  “Kill them all, but leave Potter and Boingit to me!”

“Hermione, it’s just the right moment!” Claire shouted.

In a blur of gray, Hermione ran into the center of the Hall, directly in the path of all of the Death Eaters’ wands.  She stopped, looked demurely down at the floor, and then reached up to pull the pencils out of her hair.

The bodice of her dress separated from the skirt, displaying more and more of her tanned midriff as it shrank upwards.  Her sleeves and collar fell away entirely just as her hair tumbled down around her shoulders.  Her skirt narrowed and shortened, climbing higher and higher until it clung to her hips and covered her arse by no more than half an inch.  At the same time, the remainder of the bodice shrank into a shimmering gray string bikini top, leaving two triangles of fabric over her enlarged breasts.  Even her sensible dancing shoes morphed into four-inch stiletto heels.

Hermione raise her head proudly, keeping her hands up near her head to best display her outfit.

Everyone froze, including all of the Death Eaters.

Claire looked across the Hall and bellowed, “Now, Grandpa!”

Dumbledore leapt up onto his table, raised his wand, and shouted, “Avada Kedavra Maximus!”

Forty-two beams of green light shot out of his wand, and all forty-two Death Eaters fell to the floor, dead.

The Headmaster raised his wand to his lips and blew away the smoke leaking out of its tip.  “Forty-two,” he said.  “Works every time.”

“Fine!” Voldemort screeched.  “They meant nothing!  There’s only one death that matters today!”  Quick as a striking serpent, he raised his wand and pointed it at Harry.  “Avada Kedavra!”

Harry’s eyes widened, and Ginny screamed.  He began to duck, knowing he could never be fast enough.  Just then, a flash of red leapt across the room and intersected the vicious green spell.  For a moment Harry thought that someone had disarmed Voldemort, but in the next moment he realized that he had seen Claire’s red dress flash across his vision.  The spell had struck her in the face.  Claire Boingit lay dead and beautiful at his feet.

“Nooooo!” Harry howled.  All around him, students and teachers wailed their grief, pulling at their hair and sobbing uncontrollably.  Even Voldemort looked shocked and appalled by his own actions.

“You killed Claire!” Harry shouted.  “You bastard!”

He raised his wand and aimed it carefully.  “Expelliarmus!”

His aim was true.  Rather than disarming Voldemort’s wand from his hand, Harry disarmed the Dark Lord’s head from his body.  The headless corpse collapsed bonelessly.

“Oh, god, Claire,” Harry said, kneeling down to look at her body.  “I’m so sorry I doubted you.”

“No problem, Harry.  Few people are perfect.”  Claire leapt to her feet, straightened her dress, and shouted, "This calls for the ultimate cheer!

"Ready! O.K.!

“Two bits, four bits, six bits, a dollar!
All for Hogwarts, stand up and holler!

“Woooooooooo!”

Harry stumbled to his feet.  “Claire?  But . . . but you were dead!”

“I was, but now I’m not.  I heal really, really fast, so basically I’m immortal.”

“You heal really fast?” Hermione said.  “I’ve never heard of magic like that.”

Claire shrugged.  “That’s because it’s not magic.  I’m not even a witch.  More like a genetically-engineered Squib.  The healing thing is biochemical.”

“You’re a what, now?” Ron asked.

“Not a witch?” Ginny said.  “How can you not be a witch?”

“Hang on,” Hermione said.  “I’ve never actually seen her do any magic.”

“Nor have I,” Harry said to his own surprise.

“What about the makeovers?” Ron asked.  “That was definitely magical.”

Claire waved an elegant hand.  “Oh, that was just the Heads’ Suite.  It’s like the Room of Requirement, only better.”

“Then . . . why are you here?” Harry asked.

“Grandpa asked me to come and help you,” Claire responded.  “And it worked, eh Grandpa?”

Dumbledore walked down the middle of the hall, smiling expansively.  “Marvelously, my dear.  Just as I knew it would all along.”

“Oh god,” Ron groaned.  “Not another manipulative plot from the Headmaster.”

“I think this one worked, though,” Harry said.

“Grandpa was having trouble with the whole Voldemort thing, and I needed to get away from home for a while.  So I came over here and helped things along.”

Ginny blinked in surprise.  “What?  How?”

“Well, first I had Grandpa fix things so I could enroll here.  Then I got rid of some of the prefects so that Harry could be Head Boy, and Grandpa made me Head Girl so that we could spend time together.”

“You’re welcome, Harry,” Dumbledore said, winking at him.

“Next I got rid of some of those pesky Death Eaters.  And a few people at Hogwarts, mostly so that we could have more fun.”

Hermione raised her hand.  “Excuse me.  What do you mean, ‘got rid of’?”

“Oh, I killed them,” Claire said.

“Killed?  How?  You’re not a witch.”

Claire shook her head.  “Come on, Hermione.  Are you a Muggle-born, or aren’t you?”  She raised one hand and began ticking off points on her fingers.  “I tied up Severus Snape and stabbed him with one of those little silver knives.  I sent Lucius Malfoy a poisoned potato.  I dropped some woman named Umbridge in the river to see if she’d float; she didn’t.  I bricked Argus Filch into the end of an empty corridor in the dungeons.  I sent Cornelius Fudge on dinner cruise and blew up the boat.  I had to dig up an old proton pack to use on Binns, but it worked fine.”

“Brilliant,” Ron said.

“What about the others?” Harry asked, remembering Voldemort’s words.  “Pettigrew, Macnair, Nott, Parkinson, Narcissa Malfoy, the Carrows, Bellatrix Lestrange?”

“Potato, silver knife, silver knife, potato, silver knife, and double-bricking.  Bellatrix was tricky, though.  I had to send a hunter-seeker after her.”

“You just . . . killed them all?” Hermione asked, looking both horrified and impressed.

“Yup.  It seemed easiest.”

Hermione nodded vaguely.  “Okay, but . . . what about the Horcruxes?”

“What’s a Horcrux?” Ron asked.

“Oh, don’t worry about those,” Claire said.  “I took care of them yesterday during lunch.  I thought I was going to have to sleep with you to get rid of yours, Harry.  Wouldn’t that have been poignant?  But I found another way.  It got rid of your scar, too.  Did you notice?”

Harry reached up and felt his forehead.  Sure enough, his scar was gone.

“I knew it!” Ginny cried, bouncing excitedly and distracting everyone nearby.  “I just knew you were the reason everything was going so well.  I told you, didn’t I?”

Claire nodded sagely.

Dumbledore hugged her, his violet robes wrapping almost completely around her slender figure.  “I knew you could do it, dear.  Of all my children, grand-children, and great-grand-children, you’re by far the best.  But don’t tell your sister I said that.”

“Awww.  Thanks, Grandpa.”  She pulled away and looked at Harry.  “That reminds me.  When you used that portkey to go back to Hogwarts from Gringotts, you also accepted ownership of a company called Pinehearst.  It’s been in my family for generations, so I thought it would be a nice trade for that mansion you gave me.”

“Oh . . . thanks,” Harry said.

Claire looked around.  “Well, I think I’m pretty much done here.  I’m so ready to get back home to my boyfriend.  Grandpa, could you send my things?”

“They’re already in the trunk, my dear,” Dumbledore said, smiling fondly.

“You’re the best,” she replied, kissing him briefly on the cheek.  “Good luck with Draco.”

The Headmaster giggled.

Claire strode out of the hall and then out of the castle onto the lawn.  The rest of the students, dazed and bedazzled, followed her.  When Harry reached the main doors, he saw a shiny red Ferrari parked at the top of the stairs, its engine running and its top down.

“Wheeeeee!” Claire squealed, running around the car and vaulting into the driver’s seat.  “Can I take the shortcut, Grandpa?”

“Of course, dear.  Whatever you like.”

Dumbledore waved his wand, and a rainbow-colored ramp appeared in midair, curving up into the sunset.  At the far end, seemingly hundreds of feet in the air, Harry saw a huge castle shining in the midday sun.

“I’m a-goin’ hooooome!” Claire shouted joyously.  Then she gunned the Ferrari’s engine and accelerated up the multi-colored ramp.  Soon the roar of the engine faded, and in another minute Harry saw a red speck soar through the glittering castle’s open gates.  Then the castle and the rainbow ramp faded, leaving only a beautiful Scottish sunset.

Hundreds of people stood on the front steps of Hogwarts, staring up at the evening sky.  All of them, especially Harry and Ginny, were already reliving their few glorious weeks in the presence of Claire Boingit.