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Third Time's the Charm
Third Time's the Charm - Chapter 1: Third Time's the Charm by Miri
Sun, 03/01/2009 - 22:04"A happy memory....a happy memory..." Hermione whispered to remind herself, "Harry says I need a happy memory."
Looking around the room at the other DA members, the brown-haired young witch observed the various attempts at casting the difficult charm. Interspersed with cries of frustration and minor triumph, the incantation of "Expecto Patronum!" rang through the air. A few of the students were getting a tiny amount of silvery vapour emitting from the tip of their wands, but most were getting nothing.
Before their training sessions she had pondered about what memory would be strong enough to make the charm work. Her life had been fairly content, but it seemed the charm needed more than contentment to fuel it. Now, Hermione ran through the memories that she'd mentally lined up. Bringing the first one to the surface of her mind, she focused on it intently. She remembered the day when she found out that she was a witch--that magic was real. And that there was a logical reason for the occasional strange events--things that broke when she was angry and other oddities--that had sometimes cast a troublesome shadow on her life. Realising that she wasn't strange - well, no stranger than any other magical person - had been a great relief.
Focusing harder on that bright and reassuring moment, Hermione lifted her wand and cried, "Expecto Patronum!" She huffed with disappointment as only a cloud of silvery vapour flowed from the wand.
"Not a strong enough happy memory", she grumbled quietly. "I need something better."
Moving on to her next possibility, Hermione thought of a memory that she would be somewhat loath to admit to, especially to her female year mates. Granted, just about any female would enjoy such an event in her life--sweeping past astonished friends and strangers in lovely clothes, impressing all with her beauty and elegance. Hermione referred to that occasion very privately to herself as her "Princess Moment." She was a little ashamed of the vanity of that moment, but it had been so satisfying, especially the look on Ron's face. Trying to bring every detail to mind, she again lifted her wand and cried the incantation. Another cloud of silver vapour was the result, although this time it was bigger and more solid in appearance. She even thought she saw something of a shape to it.
Hermione almost hissed with annoyance. Those were the two best memories she'd prepared, and she'd been sure they would work. Frustrated, she ran her eyes around the large room. More of the DA were getting clouds of vapour from their wands but none had yet achieved a corporeal Patronus. Harry was moving about the room encouraging his students, and Hermione watched as he stopped nearby to observe Ron as his friend tried the charm again. She smiled ruefully to herself as Harry showed Ron the correct wand movement; the action brought to mind memories of a large feather in first year Charms class. She watched as Harry chuckled at something Ron had said. Then, looking up, Harry caught her eye and smiled at her. Ron looked around to see what had caught Harry's attention, and seeing Hermione, he also smiled.
As she continued to watch the two boys talking together, fleeting thoughts of events frightening and funny and frustrating run through Hermione’s mind. All of the many things, big and little, that had gone into the years of her friendship with the two boys--her first, true friends and her best friends. How that companionship had enriched her life.
Before coming to Hogwarts, her intelligence and her refusal to play dumb had left her somewhat isolated, especially when coupled with the odd things that occurred around her. Her school mates thought it was bad enough for boys to be intelligent, but they scorned girls for it even more. For years lunch time at school had meant sitting alone, hiding her loneliness and hurt feelings behind a book, pretending that reading was what she preferred until it became the truth. It left her lacking in easy socialisation with her peers, tending to talk too fast and too much in an effort to hide her uncertainty.
She had hoped, fervently but secretly, that Hogwarts would be different. The first few weeks had been a painful disappointment, though, and she'd found herself sitting alone at meals again. Until Hallowe'en and a troll. A night that had started with painful tears and the thought that she'd never have friends had ended with the tentative beginnings of friendship.
The morning after the troll attack, she'd come down to the common room and been surprised to find Harry and Ron waiting for her. The boys had awkwardly thanked her for covering for them to McGonagall and, trying to end the encounter quickly, Harry had asked her to go to breakfast with them. A few days later Hermione realised that she was now eating every meal with the two of them and that the boys waited for her every morning. As friends would do, she had thought with a deep and quiet joy.
The memory of that bubble of joy stayed with Hermione as she stirred from her reverie. Without really thinking about it, she lifted her wand. Letting the bubble grow and almost singing the incantation, she let the feeling flow through her wand and out its tip. The silvery cloud expanded, glowing brightly, and then flowed into the figure of an otter gambolling gleefully about her.
She stared in happy but startled wonderment at the silvery, playful image. Of all the images she had thought about possibly being her Patronus, this was not one that had remotely occurred to her. An owl or a cat, maybe. But an otter? She tentatively reached out to the shining creature, wanting to stroke its sleek head and could not help smiling at the humorous whiskers. What was this meant to symbolise in her life?
"Well done, Hermione!"
Hearing Harry and Ron's cries of congratulation, Hermione broke her delighted but puzzled inspection of her Patronus and turned to smile at her friends. Glancing from the boys to the otter now frolicking around the three of them and back to her friends' laughing faces, an idea pushed into her mind. With a look for both boys but one that lingered a little longer on the red headed one, Hermione couldn't help but contemplate the joy that all three sights, her two friends and her Patronus, gave her.
Comments
Nice Missing Moment
This is a nice little "Missing Moment" story, and I have no doubt that it is true in essence -- that Hermione's happy memory was the realization that she had real friends. The pre-Hogwarts backstory is plausible (if familiar from a dozen fan fiction stories), and I especially like some of the subtler psychological corners you turn -- e.g., pretending that reading was what she preferred until it became the truth. Lovely!
Still, I wonder whether the full backstory was really necessary. Or, put it the other way -- you gave backstory for the third happy thought, and it increased the power of the image and made us believe that it was H's happiest memory. But couldn't you have pulled off the same thing with the second thought? That is, if you had delved into H's always-the-smart-one-never-the-pretty-one past the way you delved into her nobody-likes-me past, her moment at the Ball would have been just as much a breakthrough, no? Instead, you tell us that it's a moment that "just about any female would enjoy," which weakens it -- it's not unique to H's own past, and it's not even universally human (of course it is universally human to love being attractive and desirable, but you don't say so).
I think it's a missed opportunity, too, to make this simply an internal monologue of Hermione's. Of course you're bound by the fact that we know she produced an otter in the DA, and if we assume that was when it first came out, you can't have much interaction with other characters besides the practice session itself. But we don't actually know that she'd never produced one before, do we? Knowing H, she might've been practicing by herself -- and that allows you to have someone (Harry, Ron, or, I dunno, Fred?) walk in on her, which could lead to dialogue and a much stronger interaction. The writer Nancy Kress says that dialogue is at the heart of every scene.
You have some great concrete imagery here, and the flow of feeling is palpable. I enjoyed it.
An otter because she needs to remember to play
You’ve written an enjoyable story.
My strongest criticism about this story is that it parallels Harry’s experiences too closely. Harry also had to try out a few happy memories before he hit on that right one. You could argue that such an experience would be common given the nature of the charm, but I think readers would appreciate seeing her succeeding in a way that was unique to Hermione. Also, what did it for Hermione was thinking of her two best friends, which is what finally allowed Harry to produce his Patronus that saved Dudley and him from the Dementors in Little Whinging.
I would also recommend verifying your canon facts before posting a story. For us canon police, inconsistencies stick out like a sore thumb in what should be a canon compliant story. As this challenge specifically forbade AU, you should have matched any event that happened in canon. I’m referring to Harry and Ron thanking her for covering for them with McGonagall the morning following the troll incident. That coming together, a crucial moment in the series, actually happened that same night as soon as the boys returned to the common room. Instead, you could have alluded to thanks having being exchanged the night before, and then she could have simply been surprised and/ or gratified to see them waiting for her the next morning. I know. I’m a right pain to be so picky.
I saw some issues with punctuation and grammar, but overall it was solid.
The greatest strength of the story lies in the characterization of Hermione. She’s very much as we see her in canon. The back story is close to what most of us imagined for her. I tend to think of her as having other children she was friendly with, but none that she was close to, still making Harry and Ron her first true friends, but her being utterly friendless is a distinct possibility. We feel a pang when we see our beloved Hermione shunned and miserable as a young child. The fact that, similar to Harry, confirmation of her normality upon finding out she was a witch, not simply because she’s discovered she has this amazing ability (something that would be profound to someone who is so focused on new knowledge), was one of her happiest memories provides her with a vulnerability that is usually buried in canon but clearly peeks out from time to time. My favorite moment was simply seeing the boys smile at her from across the room. The warmth and genuine affection between the three of them was clear, and I reveled at seeing the image of friendless Hermione banished so thoroughly, something our loyal Hermione truly deserved.
An aside: I know why her Princess Moment attempt could never work. No matter how much she might try to push it out of her mind, that evening was tainted by how the evening ended, her “blazing row” with Ron.
Nicely done.
Nicely done!
As I said in my comments on the other challenge entry, I won't repeat everything that Rhetor and Chreechree said, but just say that I noticed similar things in regard to punctuation and the canon fact-check issues, etc. that they also mentioned. I'm certain that most of those aspects, though, could have perhaps been caught in a careful beta process, but that's not what this particular challenge is about, obviously!
Overall, though, I think you did a good job with this, and you really captured the characterization that is so uniquely Hermione. She knows so much, yet is still vulnerable to the insecurities that plague virtually everyone, and her logic still can't always overcome her emotions -- thank goodness ;-) It so "fits" Hermione that she'd been preparing her list of happy memories ahead of the DA lessons -- and yet, it's her intuition that ultimately provides her the answer she's seeking, as much as it is her information. As much as she (and the trio) needs her vast intellect, they also need her ability to comprehend some of the bigger issues they face, and you've done a very good job in showing the reader how she reaches that sort of understanding. I love the phrase "bubble of joy" that you used in reference to her thinking through her friendship with the boys -- I think that aspect really shines through in your story (as you mentioned its importance in your A/N), and I think it's crucial for all of them to recognize their friendship's importance in all their lives.
Well done, overall! :-)