MetaFic

Ron drew his cloak close about him. Here it’s always bloody cold, always bloody raining, always bloody windy. And he really hated the fact that the bloody boat always bloody rocked. He wondered again if the essence of Nature itself was trying to wash away the sin that is Azkaban; even without Dementor guards the place is bloody awful. Not for the first time Ron wondered if anything good could ever come from this place.

It was that time again. Every six months Ron came out to interrogate the prisoner. The offer from the Ministry remained the same as the previous visits, although for once Ron had something to look forward to; this visit he was authorized some room to bargain. He grinned wryly at the bargaining chip. Stepping off the boat Ron took a calming breath. On top of everything else on this forsaken island he had to leave his wand at the mainland blockhouse. Formidable wards about the island damped any magic not pre-authorized by the Ministry. Walking down the corridor to the interrogation cell Ron nervously checked his pockets for the tools he brought to assist in bargaining with the prisoner. Outside the cell door the guard stopped him and pointed to Ron’s Muggle watch. The guard wore an identical model. The two men simultaneously pressed a button on their watch, and then looked at each other. Ron felt the vibration against his wrist and nodded to the guard, who nodded in return. It was show time. The guard opened the door and Ron stepped into the cell.

The interrogation cell was always the same one. Grey masonry walls with two small and heavily barred windows just below the grey ceiling. A barely perceptible shimmer of pale blue was all that indicated the presence of a Barrier Charm. On Ron’s side of the Barrier was a single comfortable arm chair. On the other side sat the prisoner on a simple three-legged wooden stool.

“Good morning, Severus.” Ron said amicably. “How are you? You appeared to have survived the winter well enough.”

Snape sat silently and sneered at Ron. The once intimidating look had lost its effect when Ron left Hogwarts and then spent four years fighting Wizards just as dark as Snape. The slight wobble of the stool made the sneer look downright silly.

Ron began an Auror exercise used for inconspicuous crowd observations, seeing all but giving away nothing. He adopted a benign smile and stared through Snape, letting a silence stretch. He had nowhere else to be for the next 29 minutes or so. And Snape? There was no one else here for him to talk to, with the exception of the guards. And they had orders not to speak to him. Hermione had said something similar was done to an old Muggle once. What was his name again? He had a reindeer name… Ron ran through their names; Cupid… Donder… Vixen… Rudolph… That was his name, Rudolph! Rudolph Hess. Eventually Ron’s watch vibrated against his wrist, letting him know there were 25 minutes left in the bargaining session.

“Have you given any more thought to the Ministry’s offer?” he asked, breaking the silence.

“You insult me, Weasley,” Snape growled.

Ron paused for a moment, and then answered politely, “It’s not my insult Severus, nor my offer. I am merely an emissary from the Ministry.”

“You are the only emissary from the Ministry and you know it,” Snape replied curtly.

“Really? You flatter me, Severus,” Ron smirked. Good ol’ Sevie made a mistake! Dementors or not, clearly Azkaban is having an effect on him.

The sneer on Snape’s face slipped for a moment. Yes! thought Ron.

“We have discussed the Ministry’s interest in that simplified explanation for Golpalott’s Third Law. That will make it easier for healers to counteract various poisons, saving many lives. In gratitude the Wizengamot is willing to allow you to be buried on the mainland, not here.”

The sneer came back in full force. “Where I am buried makes no difference to me.”

Ron let another long silence stretch, and then nodded solemnly. “I will let the Wizengamot know you don’t care about your final resting place. A sizable minority think it is fitting you are condemned to be buried here. Your sentence isn’t merely life, but an eternity in solitude. There might be some leniencies, occasional visits perhaps, if you were to make a good faith effort at simplifying the Third Law”. Ron got up and began to pace behind his chair. “Hmm… I do see a problem here. I can’t solve it today, but when I return in six months I will bring you a definition of the term ‘good faith’ since you do need help understanding that concept.”

As Snape snorted in disgust, Ron’s Muggle watch vibrated against his wrist again, indicating 10 minutes had past. There were 20 minutes left in this session.

Ron sat back in the chair and began his Auror surveillance exercise again. He schooled his face, slipping into the benign smile and far focused stare. He let his mind go blank and the next 10 minutes passed in utter silence until the watch vibrated again.

With an unexpectedly loud and upbeat voice Ron said, “I almost forgot! In addition to the news clippings I sent, there are several other bits of news I must share with you.” Not bothering to gauge the reaction form Snape, Ron plunged on.

“Harry’s Order of Merlin First Class,” he emphasized, “was approved.” Snape abruptly shot to his feet with a strangled shriek, his face a thunderous red. “Now Severus, there is no need to stand and cheer. Harry has yet to wear it, he hates calling attention to himself. Although… he will be touched when he hears of your enthusiasm for his award.”

Definitely being affected thought Ron. I need to let Kingsley know about this.

“Also,” Ron reached into his cloak pocket and brought out some clippings and an envelope. “You know Hermione and I are engaged, right? You got that news clip?” Ron waved the clippings at Snape’s face. “I did mention that before, didn’t I? Well, I hope I did because it would be truly bad manners not to tell my friends about it.”

Holding the clippings, he said, “Well, here, let me read both the Prophet’s and the Quibbler’s notices to you. I remember how you prized a balanced view of events.” He began to slowly read the clips aloud.

When finished, he put the clippings back in the pocket, then pulled a parchment from the envelope. “I will leave this with the guard to deliver after my visit. It is an invitation to our wedding! You are one of the first to get an invitation. In two month’s time we will be married. We realize you won’t be able to attend, but that is of little matter because we won’t be thinking of you.”

Ron silently counted to ten then said, “Oh, look at this!” with exaggerated surprise. He reached into his pocket again and pulled out a photograph. Walking over to the Barrier he held it up for Snape to see.

“Ginny gave birth to a baby boy two months ago. I know I sent you that clipping. Another boy born by a Weasley, what are the odds of that?”

Ron’s face split into a broad grin, “Don’t you think newborns are the cutest creatures on Earth? Anyway this is her and Harry with their son, James. It is good to know there is a new James Potter in the world, yeah?”

Snape paled and made a faint choking noise.

The watch vibrated again, one minute left. Ron walked back to the chair, put the photograph back in his pocket, and turned to face Snape.

“It’s almost time to go; I really think we made some progress today,” Ron grinned. “Think about the offer of a burial off this island, some place where you might actually be remembered. I will bring you that definition of ‘good faith’ next time, too.”

The watch vibrated twice, quickly, and Ron moved toward the door.

“Well, it was good to see you again, Sev. Have a great summer!” As the watch vibrated twice again the cell door snapped open and Ron stepped out.

Walking back to the boat landing the guard noted, “He’s slipping. He actually showed some emotion this time.”

Ron nodded thoughtfully. “I never thought he would begin to crack this fast. But it has been four years in almost complete solitude with no magic. Kingsley and I need to talk about this, perhaps we can move things along faster than planned. There are several subjects I might talk about next time I’m here. Maybe read him the news clips of the wedding perhaps, bring photos from the honeymoon. He’s not going to appreciate the topics,” he grinned.

Ron gathered his cloak about him as he boarded the boat. It was still rainy, cold, and windy as usual but didn’t seem as bitter as before. His thoughts wandered for a moment to Hermione and their impending wedding. Yeah, he nodded, that would make a very interesting topic for next time. And James would be older, with lots more photographs.

Riding the boat back to the mainland Ron pondered how those bits of information would affect that insufferable git. His impenetrable exterior was beginning to crack. If they could finally get a simplification of that bloody Third Law out of Snape then perhaps something good would come out of this place after all.