MetaFic

A very nice mood piece, and certainly in the spirit of the challenge.

There are many things to like, here. First, the irony that the fear of Dumbledore's gaze is what drove Riddle to create the first Horcrux is delicious. (We end up blaming Albus for everything, don't we?) Second, I love the Easter / sacrifice / Horcrux metaphor. Third, I think your use of imagery is generally fine.

I think you take longer than you need to to get where you're going, though. I had a sense of repetition that didn't advance the story; I haven't read any Lovecraft, so perhaps this is where it comes from. Perhaps it's a rhythmic device?

Also I had a hard time interpreting some of the references. "The fear of the child that killed his own mother with his freakish ways" was lost on me. I know that Tom didn't kill Merope, except in the general sense that a mother who dies in childbirth can be said to have been "killed" by her baby, but I can't imagine the others in the orphanage singling out Tom for that; it was far too common in those days. Similarly, the images of animal death confused me, as I couldn't figure out where he learned/saw these things. And is he really creating the fear in the minds of people hiding in air-raid shelters? I'd imagine there was already enough to be afraid of, there.

This story is at its best in its use of concrete images, which are powerful. That and your overarching themes and ideas, which are impressive. I enjoyed it.

Ah, Lovecraft! Wonderfully twisted and disturbing. He’s one of my husband’s very favorites. His influence could be felt in this piece. Congratulations on that.

Widows to the Soul – Love the title! I must confess that, when I first read it, I wondered if it was a typo, but, no, clever you.

I understand the fear brought about by Dumbledore, but I don’t know if Tom would condescend to feel the judgment, truth etc. found in Dumbledore’s gaze. He views Dumbledore’s ideals as foolish. Further, that would imply that Tom’s is affected by what others think of him, which we know he does not… other than hiding that he’s a half-blood. Still, his fear of Dumbledore, one who is more powerful than Tom, would be linked to his fear of death. Overcoming death should, he would reason, remove his fear of Dumbledore. Too bad for Tom it did not, and he still remained afraid of Dumbledore, even with his Horcrux collection.

My favorite aspect of your story was the imagery of the crown of thorns. I was disturbed yet elated and amused at the idea of Tom seeing himself, to whatever degree, as a martyr or possibly a future savior for wizard kind. Then you added in the Easter imagery, a death to bring about a resurrection and, ultimately, the conquering of death. Of course, his kind of “salvation” would bring about both genocide and subjugation. Really, his megalomania has no bounds. Harry, of course, has been dubbed a Messianic figure, so it’s wonderfully perverse to see Tom, the antithesis to Harry, compare his acts of violence and his quest to avoid death as being similar to Jesus, who, while reluctant, accepted death. I enjoyed Tom’s hubris.

While not perfect, the stream of consciousness style worked very well in the story. I appreciated seeing Tom’s warped logic. Conquering death removes his fear, and then he can resume his quest to bully (murder) those around him. Such an angry boy. How does society create such a person? I cannot relate to him, but it is fascinating to try.

Your writing is good. There were some odd word choices and phrasing here and there, but, as I was immersed in the imagery and flow, it did not distract me much from the story.

You fulfilled the challenge requirements in an interesting and, for me, unexpected way. Thank you for your story. I enjoyed it a great deal. Well done!