MetaFic

I see few, if any, issues with technical skills (I’m not the best to say what is and isn’t correct), you followed the rules, and you didn’t skirt around the spirit of the challenge.

I’m not a fan of the character, but the choice of Colin has potential as you’ve shown. I wasn’t a huge fan of using Colin’s Harry obsession as a plot point. In the books it was mostly comic relief more than anything. I got the impression you were trying to examine a theme of maturity. However we see Colin fumble into some realizations that only served to extend his childish hero-worship.

I liked your exploration of Colin as a muggleborn and what that means for him and his family. I think you could have gotten more mileage out of that angle than the hero stuff.

I found this story almost seemed the wrong length for the plot. Half the plot points in this amount of narrative, or twice the narrative for the plot included might work better. Overall an enjoyable read.

Cheers,
Joel

The use of “bumptious” I found . . . discordant with my mental map of Colin. Self-conceited seems unlike how I view his character, though the alternate self-assertive is probably what you were aiming for. Even then, he is assertive in some ways, but not others. He's brave enough to ask, yet not so assertive or conceited he implicitly assumes all things will be granted to him. It's a word choice that left me thinking for some time, which isn't bad by any means. It left me wondering more about who is Mr Creevey and less about a particular word that caught my wandering eye. With such an early tone set, the following clause of 'Harry did not stink' is twisting back on itself. Is the asymmetry in phrasing intentional, I wonder? Ah, the wiles of the English language.

The entire prose was meant to redress the challenge criteria quite well. And from bumptious to stink, it forced me to pause and think of who this character was, and more importantly, why. It's not a fast reading, it's a reading of rediscovery in each paragraph. Exactly because this is a minor character, we never spend time with them in canon to understand their dreams and fears, their defining moments and points of strength. The mere telling from this character would force some level of reflection; however, the views on death, life, and dreams go beyond this basic forcing function. I enjoyed my mental meanderings and reflections on who this person really is.

I'm not sure that I agree with the idea that Cedric is the “first death” witnessed by this character. Not that he has seen death before, per se, but rather he did not see the “death” of Cedric at all. He saw the corpse. This is, after all, the distinction that Thestrals hinge upon according to JKR's constructs – having witnessed death and come to terms with it, as opposed to seeing a corpse or a picture of a corpse. Otherwise everyone would have been able to see the Thestrals in Hagrid's little “creature feature” special.

Mechanically, lacking a beta, there were very few errors of note. I'd caution about commas, but we all fall down that hole and I'm in no position to cast stones. But most of the minor errors I saw were comma-induced. There was one “it's” error (“it's utter stillness”) that caught my eye as well. This also runs into the question of letter-of-the-law compared to intent, in that the story does not start at the precise moment of Harry's return. That said, I'm not Type-A enough to care, but more than that . . . I believe this fully meets the spirit of the challenge, and does so properly. I suspect future challenges will either be worded more tightly or more loosely, depending on the originator of the particular challenge. Just something to remember for future reference.

As a bit of an aside, I thought about writing an entry for this challenge even though it couldn't be judged since I'm 'moderator' this time around. The one character I immediately wanted to write it as was Colin. I had a completely different plan in mind, and sketched out the rough mapping, but the desired goal was the same – a forced introspection by shattering the lingering childhood dreams and bringing a level of maturity into play not seen 'on the page' by his creator. Your choices were all different from mine, though, which may be why I had to stop and constantly re-think things before the end ever approached.

This was an enjoyable read. Technically, it was very strong with only a few errors (I saw “it’s” when it should have been “its” a couple of times). The narrative flowed naturally. You did not hurry it yet managed to keep it tight. Nicely done in that regard.

The only plot element that didn’t work for me was Flitwick’s rather detailed disclosure of Harry and the first war. Delving into the blood purity discrimination (and extermination) seemed out of place for a “Congratulations you’re a wizard” visit with Colin and his parents. I always assumed that Colin learned about Harry his first night at Hogwarts. The other first years would be excited to learn that they were in the same house as Harry Potter and would’ve been eager to fill Colin in on their resident hero. Still, that’s not the only reasonable explanation. I think yours would’ve worked better for me if Flitwick hadn’t discussed the discrimination against Muggle-borns and Muggles. That is, of course, something Colin learned quickly enough at school with the Chamber. Speaking of, I’m glad you mentioned not only his petrification but also the difficulty he had in catching up on all the work he missed. I’ve thought about that several times and how arduous it had to be for the petrified students (except Hermione), Colin in particular since he missed most of the year.

Absolutely killer closing line. Wonderful foreshadowing of what’s to come for poor Colin.

The use of the photograph was powerful. It feels like a given that Colin would be skulking around, waiting for a shot capturing the moment of victory. Now he has a tangible memento of this terrible moment in the history of the school. He wouldn’t want to look, but he would feel compelled to examine it, to see what death looked like. It’s a very creepy and morbid image you’ve created, and I mean that in a good way. By looking at Cedric, he is forced to see the fragility of life and the senselessness of his death. Combining that understanding with Dumbledore’s speech about choices, his concern over his family, and his regard for Harry, and Colin was induced to choose his path very early, long before most of his fellow school mates even accepted Voldemort’s return. It also pushed Colin to step beyond his adulation of Harry’s image as the Boy Who Lived. Instead, he can now more honestly admire Harry for who he is and for what he actually has done. Colin has experienced an epiphany of sorts, and the reader can virtually see him mature before our eyes. I think you captured this pivotal moment very well. It also works with canon, for after the tournament, we never again see Colin act like a fan.

Great take on the challenge. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Photography has always held an allure for me, especially the iconic photography that shows the worst and best of humanity. There are photographs out there that enrapture me every time I see them, and I am certain that everyone has images that do the same for them. As such, at the moment Colin brought out the picture I was both intrigued and hesitant.

Although the old adage of a photo is worth a thousand words is true as it would take much longer to truly describe every element of a photograph, the power of a photograph is that it holds a thousand stories. One, is obviously the story of the subjects in the photograph. The other is the story of the photographer who took it, and the rest are the stories of the reaction of each person who sees the photograph.

What I loved about this story was that you captured three separate stories that the photograph told, the story of Collin taking it, the story of the people in it, and the story of Collin's reaction. More importantly, you threaded all of those stories through Collin's reaction to the photograph so that the story flowed seamlessly from action to thought and back to the conclusion Collin makes at the end and in a way the reason he returned to Hogwart's in Book 7.

The story was filled with engaging imagery, but I think the image I like the best was one that can only really occur because of the nature Wizard photographs. Almost everyone can relate to photographs of a night reminiscing over a photo album of those who have passed on. We see moments in time captured for eternity, but to see the stillness of eternity within the moving photograph was a very powerful image.

Despite how well you handled the story itself, there were several areas that did need improvement. One is that in several occasions you used the word "seemed" which lessens the impact of the prose, especially in regards to how Collin viewed Hogwarts when he found out he was a wizard.

You had several areas where you slipped into the passive voice "the seventh year boy was killed by Voldemort." Also, you tend to write in long paragraphs, where multiple messages are being conveyed. Going to more succinct paragraphs will move the story along in both pacing and reduce confusion in the flow of the story.

In total, the story is very good, and I enjoyed it.

-Jonathan

- A good novel is an indivisible sum; every scene, sequence and passage of a good novel has to involve, contribute to and advance all three of its major attributes: theme, plot, characterization.
Ayn Rand - The Romantic Manifesto p. 74 (pb 93)