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Avery Fanfic Review - Aspirations
Posted on: Thu, 12/04/2008 - 13:37
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Avery Fanfic Review - Aspirations
Avery’s Fanfic Review
A/N: I changed the title to review because I want to review fanfics objectively and that means that I will also review fanfiction that is not up to par.
Title: Aspirations
Author: Potteraholic
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4545504/1/Aspirations
Rating: M
Status: WIP, 33 Chapters, 230K
Summary
When Ron and Hermione wrongly believe that Harry placed his name in the Goblet of Fire to enter the Triwizard Tournament, Harry appears to be truly isolated. Much to his relief, one person truly believes in him. She will be his inspiration to aspire to greatness, no matter what cost and far beyond what Dumbledore’s plans for his destiny would be. Eventual Dark!Harry/Dark!Ginny pairing, with Ron, Hermione, and Dumbledore bashing.
Review
I would consider this fic one of my guilty pleasures. I doubt many on this board would actually have the patience and stomach to get through it, but I found a delectable humor in the writing and an interesting plot that made me, well, overlook other aspects of the story.
The basic What If of this story is similar to several others out there. What if Ron and Hermione turned their backs on Harry during the GoF incident? Harry of course befriends Ginny, Luna, and Neville and begins to train and gets much, much better. I will not lie, this is a powerful Harry story, but I would not say that he is all powerful like in some. And if that is not enough to make you either intrigued or ready to run for the hills, he stumbles upon a letter from his mother that sets him on a very different path in life, that of rebellion against the Ministry.
The story is a mixture of cliché and originality that at times makes you scratch your head and at others makes you wonder why you never thought of that. Even when you scratch your head, the author takes the time to show and develop the characters in such a way that, although not error free, at least is believable.
I disagree with the premise that the fic portrays a Dark Harry and Ginny. Perhaps the author intends to make them worse in future chapters, but at the moment I would consider them very Machiavellian with a strong does of independence and authority issues. Of course, it would be a much better read if the author did not have Harry as always a step ahead of his enemies.
The major flaws in the fic are what keeps this fic from being good. One, the author over simplifies issues and thus makes it too easy for the protagonists. Two, the mid-teen characters are too mature in their reactions and their decision making ability. Three, the sexual relationship between Harry and Ginny starts too early. However the author at least does not give a blow by blow copulation scene. And four, and the most damaging flaw, the author does not have a beta and there are egregious grammar issues in every chapter. These are not issues like misuse of there, they’re or even tense but that he is not proof reading and so there are missing words in the prose or a sentence is out of place that was never deleted. It is very annoying and I have almost stopped reading several times because of it, but I want to see how it ends.
Overall the fic is entertaining and has potential, however that potential can only be brought out with a great deal of polish and further development. In general, the fic has more in common with a Keanu Reeves action movie than a gripping drama. It is fun to read at times, but you need to leave your sense of reality at the door. I would not read this fic if you are a fan of Hermione or Ron. They are not treated in a fair light, and I disagree greatly with the path of Hermione’s character in this story.
Rating
all rating is done on a scale of 0 to 5.
N/A - not applicable and does not calculate into overall rating.
0 - Atrocious
1 - Mistakes present, needs polish and work, - avoid if you are easily annoyed
2 - Acceptable - meets the basic standards of readability. Needs to be polished and improved. Some items will make you wince. Nit-pickers avoid
3 - Excellent - Few errors and engaging. What I require for any author I beta for.
4 - Superb - little room for improvement, and perfect technique
5 - Exceptional. Polished, original, and/or ground breaking
Grammar: 1
Prose: 2
Plot: 2
Characters: 2
Originality: 2
Cannon: 1
Overall: 1.667
P.S. If you have read this story, I'd like to see how you rate it. Also, please keep this thread focused on this story or at least this author. Thanks, Jonathan.
Comments
I'll cave and admit to reading it when I first saw mention of it by someone (Parakletos?) here on MF. Ever since that time, I've followed it off-and-on as it goes, but with a healthy dose of skimming at times.
I would agree with your overall rating, except the recent post which triggered the same feeling in me as did CTS' Reign in you. In short, the whole Ch33 Zombie Spirit bit is a deal-breaker for me. (I'm being vague here to avoid spoiling it for others.)
No matter how entertaining I found some bits, or how painful the cliche in others, I'm really very unsure if I'll put up with the grammar and mechanical errors anymore given the plot there. If the plot twist wasn't about Zombie, but about freeing for the Next Great Adventure, it would have been something new and worthwhile. It would have caused a serious internal re-evaluation of things, would have brought closure, and would force the characters involved to grow in a new way. Instead . . . it's lined up to be CTS-esque.
Now, I may swipe your scale and start to put up some of my own "fic reviews." Maybe I should chat with Dino about formalizing the ranking, and having a special content type where MetaFic tracks it all . . . hmmm.
Yeah, I read the zombie chapter after I wrote the review and just did not know how to add a PS to it, so I sent it out anyway. I'm not sure it is the exact same as CTS, but I was very disappointed with that plot point.
As for hijacking the rating system, I say that you are welcome to it. The only problem is that it is based on how I read fanfiction. It also requires the ability to distance myself from the author. If I am going to be fair in reviewing I can't give Echoes a 5 just because I like the story a lot and I like you.
It is fairly unlikely for any story to get anything above a rating of 4 in any category. Most will settle somewhere between 2.5 and 3.5. I have one review in the works at the moment that earned an Overall of 4, and that was because it had a 5 in one category, Characters.
I will write up a more thorough post about my rating system and post it to the forum or my blog, with examples of what I consider good and bad. You can then use that.
Personally, I think it would be rather cool to have a section of the website where we can find a consensus about a story.
-Jonathan
- A good novel is an indivisible sum; every scene, sequence and passage of a good novel has to involve, contribute to and advance all three of its major attributes: theme, plot, characterization.
Ayn Rand - The Romantic Manifesto p. 74 (pb 93)
The only thing going for it at this point, is just what is going to happen eventually in the plot. I really, really dislike this story's take on Ron and Hermione. Especially Hermione with its rather racist overtones of constantly referring to her as "The Mudblood", which Hermione even uses to describe herself. Even Luna is somewhat bizarre and not in the rather charming way of canon Luna.
But the plot is strange enough that, rather like eating too many greasy potato chips, you can't resist the next chip...err...chapter. Hmm...it might be also sort of like watching something bad happen--you keep looking to see it is really as bad as you think. LOL!
. . . pardon me while I keep it under wraps for the moment. It must be a technical conversation first, before I decide which way to use it.
And if you're not both scared and amused at my vagueness . . . you will be.
. . . pardon me while I keep it under wraps for the moment. It must be a technical conversation first, before I decide which way to use it.
And if you're not both scared and amused at my vagueness . . . you will be.
*Runs away screaming*
. . . pardon me while I keep it under wraps for the moment. It must be a technical conversation first, before I decide which way to use it.
And if you're not both scared and amused at my vagueness . . . you will be.
As long as it does not involve thermodynamics or ancient summerian philosophy, I think I'm good.
- A good novel is an indivisible sum; every scene, sequence and passage of a good novel has to involve, contribute to and advance all three of its major attributes: theme, plot, characterization.
Ayn Rand - The Romantic Manifesto p. 74 (pb 93)
I'll cave and admit to reading it when I first saw mention of it by someone (Parakletos?) here on MF. Ever since that time, I've followed it off-and-on as it goes, but with a healthy dose of skimming at times.
That sums up my approach too. There are some great ideas which is why I keep checking back, but overall it has disappointed. And yes, I did originally rec it here.
I will agree on some of your negatives, Jonathan. The author definitely needs a beta. If I had the time, I'd offer to help, but I don't have the time. Yes, he does make things a little too easy on H & G, but I'm OK with that. At times, I just want to read for fun and cheer on the main characters as they trample evil. This story allows for that.
Part of me wanted to walk away when the Downfall character appeared in the story. Now that the story is up to ch 41 and things have been explained, I'm mostly OK with it. Part of me still wants to slap the author up side the head for that character, but there is some logic there.
What was done to/with Hermy is a shame, but it's his story. Some of the other characterizations raise an eyebrow, but I can check half my brain at the door and just have fun.
I think that's what makes me like the story in general, it's just a fun story to me (and I recognize that not everyone will like this type of story). Overall, it's time better spent than watching the junk on TV. Better still, the author updates pretty frequently. Picking numbers out of the air and based on your scale, I'd give it about a 2.4 overall.
Kevin
Guilty pleasure? I'm not sure, the plot is funny, and I like the Keanu Reeves kind of action movies. The plot was fun and there are some interesting ideas in there as well. Maybe the whole Lily thing is over the top, but I did like the action between H/G and Dumbledore (never been a D fan myself). I agree the whole Hermione thing was off target, but it also was a bit beside the main action scene, so I got over it. The way Ron got painted though was quite all right. Yes, D is really unbelievable, but Snape is such fun! Yes, it is rushed and full of uber mistakes, but the posting speed makes up for it (I agree with authors taking their time to insure perfection, but some time - this time - I am willing to pay the price for speedy updates). Also, the overall quality of the story does not really require grammatical perfection (the story is flawed, and the grammar/spelling flaws match that somehow...).
In the end, it is fun to read (most of the time), the speedy updates make up for the mistakes, the plot is sometimes beyond suspended belief, but I am just jumping over those moments as I am very curious to see where is the author taking it.
Anyhow, is it ok to review a story in the process of being uploaded? Shouldn't we wait for it to be finished first?
And why doesn't your spell checker like my "ok"? Is underlined in red...
And if you really want a numerical (digital?) measurement of my appreciation for this story, on a 1 to 5 scale I'd give it 2. Which is Acceptable. I doubt though that once it is finished I will ever come back and read it again.
PS: about your rating system, I can't really rate on a objective basis. The subject matter will always come before grammar and characterization and all that. For example, any story where Harry is in a homosexual relation (aka slash) will be 0, atrocious, and I always steer away from anything that has any hint of slash in the summary. No matter how good a writer the author is. So maybe your system is perfect, but I, at least, am not.
I really, really was enjoying this story, even though it definately is not the most well written thing out there. However, I really lost interest when Lily was resurrected, when Harry murdered Dumbledore, when Lily mused so terribly about Mrs. Weasley, when Draco was tortured not just killed by Astoria, when Harry planned on using Hermione as a fall person in the Downfall scheme, and when the DA was able to take over Gringotts. I think the author has definately been his own worst enemy. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.
Chris (Pooky)
I am of two minds about this story. I don't know whether to grit my teeth or laugh out loud, and wonder if the author is either very young or not a native English speaker. Honestly, the grammar makes my writings (pre-beta) look good! I'm still wondering when Dark!Harry/Dark!Ginny will show up. Manipulative? Yes. Cunning? Yes. Ruthless in fighting/dueling? Yes. But is that Dark?
Anyway, a pox upon you Mr. Avery for exposing me to this addictive little vice of a story!
YES!!!!! Dark does NOT mean evil, as Light does not necessarily mean good.
Example 1:Fawkes's presence proves that Dumbledore is Light, as does the fact that he's (AFAIK that Jo tells) never killed. But, in my opinion, he's just plain evil.
Example 2:In Aspirations H, G and many others use Dark magic but aren't evil.
Example 3:Someone's being raped in a dark alley. You maim the rapist to save the victim. Get's you in trouble with law but is still "the right thing to do".
In my books the thought counts, not the means. However, I don't believe in the "Dumbledore kind of Greater Good". Weird. Anyway, H, G & the gang are kinda Grey with their Dark means and in majority's opinion of Light ideals.
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"Night falls and I'm running in circles (Whoa-oh-oh)
I'm being chased by my imagination (Whoa-oh-oh)"
Alesana - The Thespian